A Season of Rest

Y’all, I totally meant to publish this post yesterday morning, but the week has gotten ahead of me. So here we are, a little over a day late. Ahh life.

Hey, hey! How about some real talk to kick off this week, yay or nay? I’m not sure if a heavy post on a Monday is really the way to go, but I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while now and I have been SO BAD about taking weekend photos. Even though we had a really fun weekend filled with family dinners, kid chaos, friend visits, pumpkin cupcakes, and relaxation, I’ve got almost nothing to show for it. Ah well. It’s going in the mental photo book, ha!

Instead of a weekend recap, let’s talk about seasons of rest. Does anyone else categorize their life into seasons? I’ve noticed myself using this term more recently, as I’ve realized that life really does involve different seasons, and not just the weather kind of season. As many of you know, I am currently in a season of motherhood, marriage, and sort of re-establishing my identity without school or a career path to fall back on. I’ve come to the harsh reality of just how much my previous self worth and identity either revolved around my school accomplishments, or career aspirations and now it’s just “mom” or “Josiah’s wife” both of which are titles I am proud and happy to hold, just different than I’m used to.

On top of that, I have felt in need of rest lately. In particular when James is napping, if I don’t get some kind of down time myself, I will start to crash as soon as he wakes up ready to go into part two of his day. It is very hard to accept that I need a break too. I feel like I need to be doing something productive at all times of the day or else I feel worthless. I’m living on the edge of these feelings all the time, but it’s easier to cope when James is awake because he keeps me on my toes. It’s when he’s sleeping that I’m like “ok now what?”. Don’t get me wrong, nap time often passes by in the blink of an eye in the midst of cleaning, unloading groceries, laundry, dinner prep, you name it. But I have also been trying to prioritize carving out even a small amount of time for rest while he is napping.

I know that my worth is not defined by how hard I work, how much money I make, the quality of meals I cook, the cleanliness of our apartment, etc. But I fall into that thought pattern ALL. THE. TIME. I’m not sure if it’s society or just my personality, but it can be hard to live up to these standards, especially when it feels like you are falling short in every category.

I started this blog as a creative outlet, but I’m beginning to realize that it is also a source of meaning for me in this stage of life. It helps me feel connected to the outside world when so much of motherhood is isolating. I am able to process my thoughts through writing, and usually gain clarity in doing so. It’s been fun to document life and share photos of family, food, and our adventures. But I need to know that I can be just as worthy and valuable of a person without all of this. As just myself in my current roles, I am enough.

I am reassured of my worth through Jesus and the price he paid on the cross. He died on behalf of all of us so that we could live in harmony with God despite our sinful behavior and carry a righteousness that we far from deserve, simply through faith in Him. It is such a sweet reminder that no matter how much I fail, God loves me just the same, and no matter how much society (and my personality) try to convince me I’m not doing enough, I will always be enough in the eyes of God.

I hope that you are encouraged with the same reassurance in your own life!

“You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you”-Isaiah 43:4

Talk to you soon friends πŸ™‚

Isaiah 43

Happy Friday everyone! I wrote a blog post yesterday kind of reflecting on my therapy experience on Wednesday but it’s kind of blah. So I don’t know if I’m going to publish it or not. I haven’t really been inspired to write recently either which makes me kind of sad. I love to write, but I am filled with a lot of fear and self doubt these days. I’m afraid to share what’s really on my mind because sometimes it isn’t always bright and cheerful and I want this blog to be very positive and up-lifting. My brain kind of feels like a mess of emotions right now and I don’t want to waste your time as a reader to have to go through a lengthy post about all of the jumble in my brain.

Where am I finding my joy in the midst of all of this? I am trying to turn to the Lord as much as possible, however, a lot of times I feel distant from God. This morning I was praying and asked God to lead me to a passage for peace and comfort. It sounds crazy, but sometimes I just turn to a random page in the Bible and start reading. I feel very close to God in those moments. Today I read Isaiah 43 and it was just what I needed to hear. The verses that stood out to me the most were 1-2, “Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flames shall not consume you.”

I often feel like I am suffocating, but when I read verses like the one above I am reminded by God that I can breathe. I can breathe because I am His and He is there for me. The way my brain wants to read those verses is, “if you go in the water you will drown, the river will most certainly overwhelm you with floods, be prepared to burn in the fire and be consumed by the flames.” It’s so ironic that God directed me to these verses today, because it’s almost like He is trying to help me rewire my brain, no therapy necessary. He is reassuring me that all of my worrying is often unnecessary, and that if I place my trust in Him I will be fine. And that’s really all I want, is for everything to be fine. Thank you God for this much needed reminder, and I hope and pray that anyone out there reading this found it to be uplifting for whatever you are going through right now.

James and I are setting flight to go on vacation tomorrow night! I plan to still pop on the blog if I’m feeling inspired to write next week. I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend and 4th of July!

Talk to you soon πŸ™‚